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MYTH: ALCOHOL ABUSE CAUSES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.|
FACT: Although there is a high correlation between alcohol, or other substance abuse, and domestic violence, it is not the cause.
- Ignores your feelings.
- Ridicules or insults women as a group.
- Ridicules or insults your most valued beliefs, you religion, race, heritage or class.
- Withholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment.
- Continually criticizes you calling you names, shouting at you.
- Insults or drives away your family or friends.
- Humiliates you in private or public.
- Refuses to socialize with you.
- Keeps you from working, controls your money, and makes all decisions.
- Takes car keys or money away
- Regularly threatens to leave or tells you to leave.
- Threatens to hurt you or your family.
- Punishes or deprives the children when he is angry with you.
- Threatens to kidnap the children if you leave him.
- Abuses the pets to hurt you.
- Tells you about his affairs in order to hurt you.
- Harasses you about affairs he imagines you are having.
- Manipulates you with lies and contradictions.
- Threatens suicide.
- Demands all or your attention.
- Tells anti-women jokes or makes demeaning remarks about women.
- Being jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with any available man.
- Insists you dress in a more sexual way than you want to.
- Minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex.
- Criticizes you sexually.
- Insists on unwanted or uncomfortable touching.
- Withholds sex and affection (as a form of punishment).
- Calls you names like "whore" and "frigid".
- Forces you to strip when you do not want to.
- Publicly shows sexual interest in other women/girls.
- Have affairs with other women after agreeing to a monogamous relationship. (Agreement can be implied.)
- Forces sex with him or others or forces you to others.
- Forces particular unwanted sex acts.
- Forces sex after beatings.
- Forces sex when you are sick or it is a danger to your health.
- Forces sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects or weapons.
- Commits sadistic sexual acts.
- Sexual acts resulting in permanent injury.
- Rape with murder.
IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED:
- Pushes or shoves you.
- Holds you to keep you from leaving.
- Slaps or bites you.
- Kicks or chokes you.
- Shakes you.
- Abuses your pets.
- Denies your basic needs.
- Hits or punches you.
- Throws objects at you.
- Locks you out of the house or car.
- Abandons you in a dangerous place.
- Refuses to help you when you are sick, injured or pregnant.
- Forces you off the road or keeps you from driving.
- Rapes you.
- Threatens to hurt you with a weapon.
You are NOT responsible for the violence. You cannot make someone hit you. They must choose to do it. Keep in mind, it will probably happen again and get even worse over time.
Find someone you can talk to about the abuse. This may be a friend, teacher, counselor, trusted adult, your parents or the local domestic violence program.
Think of ways which may help you to be safe, (such as a friend you can ask for a ride home.) Although you may still care for him, the reality is that, sometimes, he is dangerous to be around.
Remember, being uncomfortable never cost you your life. Violence can!